Friday, December 07, 2007

A New Year, A New Me...

Originally posted: January 8, 2007 - Monday

I will absolutely admit that this blog had a totally different beginning seven days ago. I wrote it on New Year's Day 2007.

It took me a week to post it.

Mainly because I felt that I had poured too much of my heart, my fears, my soul into it. And I'm not ready to share all that with y'all yet. I'm a work in progress. I'll get there one day…

This is the first year that I've felt different at the stroke of midnight on December 31st. I decided to bring in the New Year "right" this year. I was at the altar in church when the clock struck 12. And, then I went to a party...

Hey, old habits die hard.

But, when I got home that night, I sat and thought about all of the stuff that I had been through in '06.

Rewind to last NYE: on December 31st 2005, I couldn't have been happier to see '05 in my rearview mirror. A lot of things went down in '05 that made me a better person, but there was a lot of hurt in '05 as well. With that said, though I wanted to escape the nonsense of '05, I just wasn't excited about the dawn of '06 because I couldn't see past the pain of the previous year.

This NYE was different.

I looked forward to '07 with an intense hope that I've never felt before... People who know me… scratch that... people who are acquainted with me (cause those who know me know the real deal) would describe me as a confident and outgoing person. But what they don't know is that I have NEVER been comfortable in my own skin. (I guess they know now... ) It's an ugly truth that I had to come to grips with over the course of this past year. (And, trust me, it is hard for me to admit this. Cause, although I am uncomfortable with myself and awkward at times, my pride defines me. I rarely admit to weakness.)

But, the other truth that became apparent in '06 is that I like myself. I just give too much credence to whether OTHER PEOPLE like me. Sad... but true. So, I have promised myself that 2007 will be a year where I will care less what other people think of me. And the thought of throwing caution to the wind and just being me... being ME... is so liberating.

So, that's my goal for the new year. I will be me. Without hesitation. I will DO me. Without procrastination. And, if people don't like me, so be it. I'll live. Cause I like me.

At any rate… I just want to take this time to thank all those people in my life who accept me for me 100%.

Special shouts to:

Lex – We've been girls forever! And, I just want to thank you for always being there and always supporting me in all that I do. Thanks for listening to me, thanks for caring about me, thanks for rooting for me and celebrating with me. You're the best. Stay up, mama!

Carlita – I am so glad that we reconnected. You're an awesome, amazing, kick-ass friend. I am so glad that you allowed me to share your special day with you. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I am so awestruck at the love that you and Jason have for one another. I hope to be able to find that same love one day… Love ya!

Kera – We just became friends this year, but I'm glad to have you around to talk to. You're the bomb, girl! (Yeah, I had to take it back for ya!) Thank for being a good friend… on such short notice.

Chrissy – MySpace can be the devil, no doubt about that. But, I am so thankful that it brought us back together. You're absolutely the sweetest person alive. I look forward to making more memories in '07.

My Cru Fam – I spend more time with you guys than I do with most other people. LOL! Thanks for keeping me informed, keeping me entertained and keeping me inspired. You guys are the best…

Happy new year!!

Edit to add: These people are still remarkably relevant in my life. Nothing has changed about that. But there are a slew of other people that I need to add to the list who have become influential and important just within 2007. I can't wait to write this year's version of this post.

No comments: