Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Kissing Frogs

Ok, so I owe you an update on Carlos. I was reluctant to delve deeper into the Carlos situation until a very dear friend threatened to end our friendship because I had left y’all hanging. So, here goes.

I wish I could report back with something like this:

It’s Saturday morning around 11 am and I get a call from Carlos.

“Hey it’s Carlos,” he says. “Are you still free today? I thought maybe we could get together a litter later if you could fit me in.”

I, trying extra hard to sound unaffected, would say, “Sure, I have a little time this afternoon. Say, around 3pm?”


Then, I would hang up and rush to pick out an outfit, fix my hair, and put on a little mascara and lip gloss. Finally, I would meet up with Carlos a little after 3pm (being fashionably late on a first date is a must) looking fabulous, and enjoy a fun-filled afternoon with the dude I’d been crushing on since middle school. We would laugh, talk, giggle, flirt, and then live happily ever after.


Notice how I said “I wish I could say” that all that happened? That wasn’t a mistake. I really do WISH that I could say that. But, I can’t.

Here’s what really happened:

Saturday arrives and I sleep in late (until 9:30am) because I partied myself out at Abdul’s party the night before. I wake up and fill my morning with my usual Saturday routine, which includes a cup of coffee while reading the paper, an extra long shower, and a mani/pedi at the nail salon in my neighborhood. I spend Saturday afternoon sleeping and finally forced myself to get up and get dressed for the two birthday parties I was hitting up Saturday night. I got home from the second Saturday party around 3am on Sunday morning, and Carlos still had not called.

Now, ordinarily, I wouldn’t panic if a guy decides not to call for a couple days after we exchange numbers. I would chalk the delay up to him attempting to be nonchalant. But, when a dude that (1) I already know and (2) made it clear that he wanted to hang out the very next day, decides not to call when he says he will call, that is a problem. My biggest pet peeve is lack of follow-through. If you say you will call, then you should.

I still didn’t trip about not hearing from Carlos, though. Something deep down had me prepared subconsciously for his inevitable fuck up. I knew that something would go wrong. Either way, he faked on me and that is one thing I cannot stand. So, he was no longer the Golden Boy in my eyes. After Saturday, Carlos lost some of his shine.

Anyway, on Sunday, I went to church (GREAT service) and then to brunch. I came home and took yet another nap. (I am discovering that I can’t party two nights in a row. I’m getting too old for this shit.) I didn’t wake up until late afternoon on Sunday. I had only been awake a few minutes when I receive this text message:

Hey, my bad about yesterday. Work/sleep. Sorry bout that.

That’s it. That’s all he wrote (no pun intended). I didn’t even warrant a phone call.

Just because I was curious about what would happen next, I responded:

No problem. I was wondering what happened to you…

In retrospect, I get that I probably shouldn’t have even responded to that bullshit text that he sent. And that realization is supported by the fact that he never responded to my reply. So, since Friday, the only interaction that we’ve had is the one text he sent and the one I sent back.

Ok, so, let me explain something. I am a BIG texter. I send and receive over 600 text messages a month – Tmobile LOVES to remind me of this – and I know it’s a bit pathetic, but as I’ve grown older I’ve become less of a telephone person. My attention span has become so short, it’s really hard for me to even attempt to sit on the phone with someone for a substantial period of time. But, I was really pissed off at Carlos’s text because it let me know just how insignificant I really am to him. I know this because, as hard as it is for me to focus on a telephone conversation, I am able to snap right to attention and be pretty charming and witty for extended amounts of time WHEN I AM TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO MATTERS. In other words, if I like you, I’d rather converse with you than text you.

Anyway, I don’t even know why I expected Carlos to follow through. It was really obvious that we were both tipsy when we had our exchange outside of Abdul’s party on Friday night. Maybe when he sobered up and realized what he said and decided that he didn’t want to take it to that level with me. Maybe he woke up Saturday and discovered that he wasn’t really attracted to me after all. Who knows? But, really, who wants to be involved with a guy who’s only interested when he’s drunk?

I’m not going to lie and say I’m not disappointed. I’m sure (now that you know all the backstory) you could probably guess that I was thrilled to finally be able to go on a date with the guy I’d been feeling since puberty. But, when I really think about it, even if he were to call now, I wouldn’t be excited to hear from him. The way he handled the situation was a let down and reminded me of just how much it can suck when you run into a dude who is a true asshole. And I promised myself, after Mr. Ex, that I would never again date another guy who made me feel bad about myself.

So much for God opening a window…

I think the incident with Carlos served its purpose, though. I was feeling shitty after finding out that Abdul had finally moved on and God allowed me to walk away from that party with dignity by making Carlos stand up and take notice that I had, indeed, come a long was since middle school.

Also, it’s high time that I stop taking things so seriously. A few weeks ago, Jenna, my homegirl from way back, accused me of being a “serial monogamist”. She said that after three dates, me and my dudes are meeting each other’s parents and by the fourth date we’ve moved in together. As much as I wanted to challenge her on her characterization of me, I think she might have a friggin point! Looking back, I see the pattern that sets me on a path to “relationship” on the first date. From date #1, I am contemplating bridesmaid dresses, sit-down or buffet dinner at the reception, and possibilities for china patterns (do people still register for china these days?).

I’ve got to remember that a date is exactly that… a date! Nothing more, nothing less. Even if Carlos and I had actually made it on our little outing, all it would’ve meant is that we spent a few hours together. It doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship or even on the road to one. Even as I’m typing this, I am laughing out loud at myself because I realize how ridiculous my thought-process can be.

Whew! I’ve got some work to do… (on myself!)

Bottom line is, despite all the excitement that surrounded the prospect of Carlos and I finally linking up, he didn’t turn out to be the prince that I’ve been waiting for. But, I guess I’ll have to just keep on kissing frogs until I finally get it right…

1 comment:

gribbet gribbet said...

I agree, I think Carlos served his purpose, he got your mind off of Abdul and your namesake and lifted your spirits reminding you that there are others out there. Most of us will kiss many frogs before we meet our Prince. It seems Abdul may very well be a frog too, a great friend, but perhaps a frog nonetheless. So keep up the positive attitude and see this as an unexpected present. Carlos actually served 2 purposes that night, 1 I already mentioned and 2 by showing his true colors and ruining the fantasy. Now you know he's not even a frog worth kissing . . . as fun as it might have been! ;)