Saturday, February 09, 2008

"The Boys are Back in Town" = Mr. Ex

You may have noticed that the layout has changed several times over the last week. I decided that The Brown Girl's blogspot needed some redecorating. I thought I had settled on a layout and was pretty content with it. But, sadly, I have received complaints. So, I'm taking another shot. Maybe the blue is too much? We'll try it on for size for a while and if it isn't a good fit, then we'll go back to the drawing board. Now, on to the main event. Today's blog:

This weekend, my phone was ringing off the hook. Not exactly people calling me to inform me of events to fill up my social calendar. Not because of any number of crises that could have arisen. No. None of those things. My phone was ringing because Mr. Ex was in town and he made the mistake of thinking that I actually cared.

The first time my phone rang was on Thursday. My cell phone rang around 9pm. My phone lit up and I looked at his name and number emblazoned across the widescreen. I sent the call directly to my voicemail. And when it buzzed to indicate that he had left a message, I waited almost two hours before I listened to the message.

You see, the last time we spoke, he told me the goings on of him and his new girlfriend. Of all the things that could’ve devastated me about our ridiculously emotional breakup, the thing that had been the biggest slap in the face was the fact that he had gotten another girlfriend in record timing. Like, immediately. I wasn’t surprised. He had moved back home to New York in a rush and I recognized that he had probably packed his bags so quickly because there was somebody there waiting for him. It was obvious that he had been cheating on me through the majority of our relationship, which explained why he was so frequently perturbed by questions about his whereabouts and whowiths.

Anyway, he spent that last phone call telling me about how he had discovered that New Girlfriend had been cheating on him. As he started giving me ALL the gory details, I contemplated hanging up on him. And then, I realized that I was really curious about what he had to say. It occurred to me that this is possibly how he might have spoken about our relationship drama to other friends in the past. I wanted to hear more. Hear what he was thinking. He told me the whole sob story. Explained that he had cried as a result of what he had discovered. I remained silent, which only made him agitated. He prodded me with questions. Wanted to know what I thought about his situation. I had little to say up until the point where he told me he had cried. Then, I burst out laughing. I mean, pure, unmitigated joy spilled out of me from the depth of my soul.

“Why are you laughing?” he asked.

I caught my breath from my belly-shaking laughter. And, once I got my bearings back, I was furious.

“What do you want from me?” I demanded. “You have a lot of nerve calling me and telling me this nonsense… as though I would actually be interested in what is going on with you and your “new” girlfriend. Although, something tells me she is not so “new,” I finished.

He was quiet for a moment. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he said. It was more a statement than a question.

“It means that I am not stupid. I know you were probably screwing around with this girl while we were together. The funny thing is… I don’t even care anymore. And now you are calling me and telling me all this drama. As though you want me to feel SORRY for you.” I spit out the word “sorry”. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

He was quiet again. “So you don’t feel sorry for me?” he asked. The gall of this dude!

“Feel sorry for you??! Sorry? The only person I feel sorry for is your girlfriend. Poor thing. Trapped inside all of your drama. How are you going to be mad at her for cheating on you when you have probably been cheating on her the entire time you all have been together?” I shot.

“What makes you think I’ve been cheating on her?”

“Well, have you?” I asked, not even needing to hear the answer because in my heart I knew he had.

He chuckled and I felt nauseous.

“You’re pathetic,” I said.

“I know, aren’t you glad you got rid of me?”

“More glad than you’ll ever know,” I said. And then I hit the little red button on my cell to end the call.

He called right back. I ignored the call and went on about my night.

A week later, I got the phone call from Mr. Ex letting me know that he was going to be in DC for the weekend. And, I could’ve cared less. The next day, I received a text message, saying:

Hey, I’m in ur town so if u want 2 get up just call, but if not I understand 2. Be good [his nickname for me]. Lol! That was for old times.

"Old times"?? Screw “old times”!! "Old times" were NOT good times. I have no desire to revisit the past. So, I ignored the text and continued with my Friday night plans.

The next day, I received another phone call from him, which I, again, ignored. I still haven’t listened to the message.

What good could possibly come from us seeing each other again? Whenever we speak, he never ceases to upset me. And I have been living such a drama-free life without him in it.

Although Mr. Ex repeatedly tells me that he knows he messed up and that I am the love of his life, I know that he isn’t the one for me romantically. I am not interested in being “friends”. So, it’s best for us to just let each other live... without interrupting each other's lives.

When we broke up, I was so hurt, so devastated, so betrayed by all of his transgressions during our relationship, that I had nothing but incredible anger in my heart for him. I thought of a number of things I could do to get back at him. I had his bank account information. I had access to his cell phone bill and could've decided to call every number listed and tell whoever answered some ridiculous embarrassing secret. I asked people what they would do to get back at people who had done them wrong just to get ideas on things I could do to Mr. Ex... or to his "new" girlfriend. But, in the end, I didn't like the idea of who I had become as a result of my anger. I am not a hateful person, but I seemed bitter and temperamental. I finally decided that I wasn't going to let this man change my personality and I wasn't going to let him turn me into a bad person. So, instead I prayed at night for God to handle the situation. And he took care of it. Better than I ever could've handled it on my own. Leave it to God... he always delivers.

But, I am not all revenge and hate when it comes to Mr. Ex. I truly do hope that one day he grows and matures into a man who respects fidelity and loyalty. I really hope that he will be able to make some woman happy and that he will find a way to be content with his lot in life. But I will not be there to see it because I have decided that I am done.

Maybe one day we can be "pals" who hang out whenever we visit our respective towns, but today is not the day.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good for you! He moved to NYC, and you moved on. That chapter is closed and I'm proud of you both for closing it and not re-opening. Doesn't it feel so good to have the strength to be in this place? Stay smart, stay strong. Congrats Lovely Brown Girl!