So, I’ve recently discovered that my “Mystery Man” (remember him?) reads my blog. I don’t know how long he’s been reading or how much he’s read, but I know he’s reading. I don’t think it’ll change the way that I write, but it might. I can’t lie. For some reason, I care too much about what he thinks of me. And he always seems to be “discovering” things about me from what I write. We communicate a lot through writing (which could be our first mis-communication issue!), and he is always catching me with my damn foot in my mouth. And the worst taste in the world is that of your own foot! I want to stop inserting my foot in my mouth. Honestly, I do. I believe in the power of words, yet, for some reason, I am consistently careless with them. I'm gonna try to get better, though, I really am. I think part of the issue is that I've got to learn to think things out BEFORE I speak. Novel idea, huh? I've done this more than a few times recently – was careless with words. I fly off at the mouth (or at the keyboard) and then have to backtrack, explain, and apologize. Boooo! Hopefully, I won't have to do that anymore...
Anyway, I had a conversation with a male friend about relationships recently, and I was explaining to him that I keep falling for guys that aren't necessarily as into me as I am into them. I don't know how/why it keeps happening, but it does! (Sadly, this thing with "Mystery Man" is no exception!) And, this guy says to me "Didn't your daddy school you about the game?"
Well, yes. Yes, he did. My father taught me many things about dating and relationships... admittedly, some of it went in one ear and out the other, but I retained a lot of it. Actually, I think that the lessons that I learned from my father (and my grandfather, and my brother, and my cousins) actually saved me from a lot of potential heartbreak that I instead avoided as a result of heeding their advice. They put the lessons out there and I learned them... most of the time - because they'd shared their knowledge with me - I didn't have to learn the hard way! But, some of the hurt was unavoidable. Women have feelings... we meet great guys (or at least guys we THINK are great at the time) and we get caught up. That's life.
I'll never forget when I got dumped for the first time by my middle school boyfriend, Chase. Valentina delivered the news and I was devastated. I cried for days... maybe even a week (I was 13, hormonal, and had just had my heart broken for the first time... gimme a break!). My dad listened to me sob about how hurt I was, and he awkwardly hugged me and rubbed my back, and told me that "this isn't the end of the world", and that I was "the prize and it's his loss". Then, he told me that all boys wanted to do was get into my pants anyway and they'd say anything to get access to my goods. I was 13 and afraid of anything below the belt, so I didn't necessarily believe him. But when I got to be about 14.5 years old and started getting a little more bold with mine, I had a crush on this dude who tried telling me all sorts of false information in an effort to be my "first". And, every time my heart would flutter at the bullshit he was feeding me, I'd hear my dad's voice telling me that this dude was full of shit and I should proceed with caution. Needless to say, I held out for several more years and that conniving boy in particular never got close to my goodies. Thanks, Dad!
Anyway, after reflecting on my father's efforts to protect me from heartbreak got me to thinking... there are rules to this here game called love, right? So, if my guy friends were given a chance to formulate a list of lessons they'd like to teach their daughters, what would that list include? I posed the question to some guy friends and they came up with the lists below.* Do you agree with anything here? Disagree with anything? Wish to add lessons of your own?
Take a look!
1. Most men only want 1 thing
2. Never depend on a dude for anything
3. Whenever you go out with a dude keep money on your person in case he tries some BS.
4. Always keep pepperspray/mace/tazer/stun gun.
5. Learn how to fight (my daughter's gonna learn how to kick some ass male or female).
6. Don't be as pathetic as these women
7. Don't do anything to embarass Daddy.
8. I have no problem disowning you if you violate rule number 7.
9. Dudes ain't shit and your daddy's included.
10. Fuck dudes get money.
1) all men want is sex.
2) we will tell you anything to get it
3) men will only change when they want to on their terms
4) only way to really tell if he cares about you is to take sex out of the equation and see if he still tries to "earn" you
5) we are not above saying we love you when we do not mean it as long as it keeps you docile
6) men judge things in terms of power relationships and results. if we know we can cheat and you will take us back, we will cheat.
7) if he REALLY loves you, he will always put you first. i know some DAMNED good men out there but the woman don't ever appreciate them.
8) stop dyckriding alpha males. they get away w/ murder because they know women are desperate for them
9) being single is a PRIVILEGE. most of your friends in relationships are miserable as hell
10) don't let other chicks tell you about dudes cuz they aren't holding their own shyt down right 90% of the time
10. Men cheat
9. Men tell there friends everything, unless they really like a girl
8. Men dont believe in emotionally cheating
7. Not all men are the same, but 95% of them are.
6. You cant change a man.
5. Men can smell desperation and insecurity.
4. Trapping a man is the worst thing you can do.
3. Take your time when dealing with a guy. Go Slow. (In all aspects)
2. Love and respect yourself more than anything else.
1. If you are into/attracted to a guy, 2000 other women are too.
1. Make sure he Loves God, good character, and is attractive to you and your values.
2. See how dude treats people who can't do anything for him. If he is kind and can have conversations with janitors, trash men, etc, then he has character.
3. Dress to attract the type of man you want.
4. Read Proverbs 31. Do that.
5. Look up to your moms who ... Read Moreare the best role models.
6. Study the career of Jurnee Smollett. That girl has got it going on in every way.
7. Have your own identity apart from your man. He will respect you more for that.
8. Make sure he is a clean and tidy dude. Nothing worse than a messy man.
9. Cook for him on occasion, and have a lot of sex (after married).
10. I'll kill anyone who hurts you, so pick a good one.
1) Men are good at Math (There's a 10:1 chick to dyck ratio, you're replaceable)
2) Although men are good at math, you do not have to settle
3) Men are selfish
4) Want to find out if a man is really into you? Make him wait for sex (not all men are patient enough to wait you out AND play the numbers game on the side)
5) Make sure your man handles business like me! (I plan on being a model citizen by then, lol)
6) Always have your own money, especially on the first date (You don't want him feeling entitled to "more" just b/c he let you supersize...also may need cab fare home if he's acting up)
7) Men will sleep with girls, but marry women...RESPECT YOURSELF!
8) Do not compromise who you are to fit one man's requirements
9) Refers to #6, allow a man to be a man (i.e. provide, take care of you, etc.) but NEVER become dependent on him
10) You're daddy's "little" girl (and daddy has a BIG gun!)
1. The importance of family. How one treats their family is how one will treat you.
2. All men are attracted to one thing at first meeting you. But that does not mean that he is not going to get to know you.
3. #2 gives you the power , watch my ACTIONS
4. Have respect for yourself and no one will be able to disrespect you
5. You can be fly but if you dont't carry yourself with dignity you will look like trash and trash will be attracted to you
6. Keep a positive attitude and treat all people equally because you never know who is who, no matter where you are or how they look.
7. Do You. Have goals, task and aspiration to accomplish on a daily basis and you will attract the same type of individual.
8. You can fall in love more than once, FOCUS
1. Your confidence and self-respect should do a good job eliminating the type of guys you do not want.
2. Don't look to TV for your model life.
3. Listen to me and your mother!
4. Try to walk the line of being stern without being rude.
5. Smile. Look happy.
6. Listen well. If it sounds like a duck and looks like a duck...
7. Stay focused. Keep things in perspective.
8. Talk to other people! Especially us!! (a wise person has many counsellors)
9. After a date, keep the goodbye short. LOL Long goodbyes turn into other things.
*I didn't edit these lists at all, so please forgive any weird formatting or typos. These are the exact words of the guys who wrote these lists with no interference from me.