My cousin says she's not interested in reading people's blogs because they're like diaries and she doesn't understand why someone would want to read about another person's private life. Nor, so she says, does she understand why a person would put their private life on display for the whole world to see. I can see her point - for sure. Some people may not understand why bloggers blog or why readers would read blogs, but I say if it's not YOUR thing, just abstain and keep your opinion to yourself. Now, I guess, is a good time to divulge that my cousin is extremely opinionated and also has numerous other hangups (the blog aversion is just one of many others). So, I really take what she says with a grain of salt. I did think this particular opinion of hers was worth mentioning, though, because I have often considered just how much of my business I should reveal in this blog.
A lot of you are privy to my true identity (I sound like a superhero or something), although there are now a few of you who aren’t (Hey strangers! Thanks for reading and commenting!). For those of you who DO know me, I often wonder whether I'm setting myself up for embarrassment when I reveal too much... When I discuss other people who might be effected by what I write, I try to use aliases or thinly-veiled (admittedly, sometimes the veil is VERY thin) accounts of actual events to protect the identity and privacy of my friends. Every now and then, one of my friends recognizes themselves in a post and sometimes they have a positive reaction. Other times their responses are... not so positive.
The last time I was in NY, Bestie told Jenna about the blog. Bestie’s identity could be protected… I never tell a lot about her or her private life. But, whenever she tells someone that I’m a blogger (and lately, she’s been telling EVERYONE!), she immediately follows-up with “and my name is ‘Bestie’”. Her identity would be safe, but for her own in-person revelations of her Lovely Brown Girl alter ego. Jenna (obvi an alias) wanted to know what her "blog name" was and whether I had talked about her in detail on the blog. I honestly couldn't remember what I'd written about her in the past. I told her that I use aliases for my friends and that I try not to use any identifying characteristics and, luckily, she was cool with that. Plus, I know Jenna will never sit still long enough to read what I've written here. Her adult-ADD would prevent her from getting past the first paragraph! (Love you, girl!)
Anyway, I'm having all these thoughts because I'm having a moral dilemma. So, there's a new guy in my life these days. I may have mentioned him once or twice on here, but I haven't gone into detail about him. For one, my adult-ADD has been acting up and I haven't been able to sit still long enough to get my thoughts about him down on paper. I've tried to write about him before, but I have a lot of trouble getting the words out. And it’s not because I don't have anything to say about him. In fact, the problem is that I want to say so many things about him, I don't even know where to start! So, I'll just sum it up by saying this - He's wonderful. He's probably... No actually he is DEFINITELY the best guy I've ever dated.
If you read the blog regularly, you are already familiar with the cast of characters that make up my dating history. There was the role of "The Two-Timing Hustler" played so aptly by Jeremy; "The Cheating Selfish Psycho" role was immortalized by Mr. Ex; and "The Self-Centered Attention-Whore Playboy" (which is a character that still makes regular appearances in my life) who's played by MBF.
And, now, there's this guy. I don't have a name or an alias for him mainly because I can't think of anything catchy to call him. And, I haven't been able to identify what character he plays in my “life movie”... I think that's because the role he has been playing was so unexpected. I am almost afraid to write anything about him at all because I'm afraid I’ll jinx it. Like, I'll sit here and tell you all about this man and why he's so amazing and the second I publish the post, he'll drop off the face of the Earth and our friendship/relationship/whateverthehellship will be effectively over and I'll look stupid! Now, I understand why (some) celebrities and other public figures are so closemouthed about their romantic relationships. When you talk about them too much, you set yourself up for failure. Until something is really solid and established, you just want to handle it gingerly for fear that you could really muck something up. Besides, nobody wants to be an emotion "slut"... you know, giving up too much before it's really time.
And, believe me, I really want to tell you more about this person… what he means to me, what he has done to restore my faith in men, how we met (actually, it’s a really great story), where he is located, how he makes his living (which is an incredibly inspiring story in itself), etc. But for some reason I can't bring myself to do it. Even though most of you don't have a clue about his identity, out of respect for him and the fragile nature of our whateverthehellship, I feel obligated to maintain his anonymity. (Plus, it occurs to me that he might actually read my blog. I haven’t asked because I’m not sure I want to know. Lol!) Maybe I’ll find a way to tell you all these things without revealing too much, but it’ll require a very delicate balance… once I start talking too much about it it’s a very slippery slope, indeed.
I'll just say this... know that he is doing something right. Yes, he is. *giggle* (Uh huh… Brown Girl the Cynic giggles now. That should tell you something, right?) And, should things develop and/or progress to something more solid, you will hear more about us (is there an “us”? hmm…. ) down the line.
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