It's All Coming Back to Me Now

I know that it's been far, far too long since I've written anything. And, I'm going to stop with the empty promises that I will post more frequently. Because, the truth is that my schedule is hella unpredictable right now and there's no way that I can make any guarantees that I'll post when I get home from work. Today, I have solved that problem by writing my post while I'm still AT work. Probably not the best solution, given the fact that I work in a law firm and I'm certain – although no evidence has appeared to alert me to this fact – that Big Brother is always watching me here.

You know it's funny because today, when I devised this plan to post from work, my boss says to me, "One of the attorneys has a blog. And while I don't mind anyone having a blog (as long as they don't discuss work), I don't want him writing the blog on company time." This comment came TOTALLY out of the blue. We've never discussed blogging by employees before. In fact, before this conversation, I probably would've guessed that my boss, who is an older woman, didn't have a clue about what a "blog" is. Now, I'd be convinced that my office was bugged or something since she happened to mention this on the same day that I decided that I'd start writing while at work. But, the problem with that theory is that I hadn't actually voiced my plan to anyone, nor had I written about it. This was a plan that I had conceived in my mind. And, if "the Firm" has access to what's going on in my head, I have a MUCH bigger problem on my hands than I could've ever suspected.

Anyway, I normally wouldn't even have time to post during the work day. I am literally busy with something work-related just about every minute of every workday. And by the time I get home, I'm so tired that I'm brain-dead. As I may have mentioned before, my activity of choice after work is sitting on my couch in front of the television. Hey, I know… it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. But I really, really miss blogging. Everyday, I observe something or hear something or think something and I say to myself, "Self, this would make a really, really great blog topic." But then I'd get home and get in front of the laptop and I would realize that my brain was mush and I was unable to recall the topic I'd had in mind… or I was simply not motivated to put fingers to keys, and I'd commence to catching up with people on Facebook, or start doing some online window-shopping instead!

But, you know, when I deny myself the opportunity to write, it really becomes frustrating for me. My mind becomes restless and I have so many thoughts floating around in my head that I cannot possibly settle on one long enough to write about it. And that's frustrating. When I was a kid, I watched that movie, "Throw Mama From the Train" with Danny DeVito and Billy Crystal. In that movie, Billy Crystal wplayed a writer plagued by writer's block. At that time, I'd been writing short stories for years and I already knew that I loved writing, but I just couldn't understand why writer's block was so frustrating to Billy Crystal's character. But, now I understand! It's enough to drive a person crazy... to sit in front of a blank Word document and see that blinking cursor taunting you. There isn't a more miserable feeling... Except maybe constipation, which is a pretty damn bad feeling in its own right. And, I'm finally finding my writing voice again, so that makes me very relieved. I thought maybe I'd lost the ability to formulate a complete thought and then express it on paper. But it's still here, thank ya Jesus!

So, I finally find the words, right? And as I'm sitting here writing them down, this fool comes in and interrupts me. And, no, I'm not referring to my boss as a "fool". I'm actually talking about Junior, this guy who works in the mailroom. A couple weeks ago, Junior decided that he liked me. He didn't come out and say it or anything, but his actions definitely let me know what he was thinking. On a particular day, he had to pickup several packages from my office to be sent via FedEx. After his third trip up, he asks me if I might know of some jobs available in the federal government. I tell him no, but that I'd keep an eye out for him. (Please keep in mind that this question was totally random as I don't have any reason to know of such openings.) He leaves and I go to the restroom.

When I get back to my office, I receive a phone call from what the caller ID says is the “Fax Dept”. I don’t know anyone who works in the “Fax Dept.”, but I answer and, what do you know, it's Junior. He starts a random conversation about the weekend and then tells me his birthday is Monday. "Cool," I say. "What do you have planned?"

Turns out he's got no plans. But he asks again about job openings and asks if I have a personal email address where he could send his resume. Um... Ok. I reluctantly give him my email address, quickly end the conversation, and pack up my things to head to the Metro and get home. But before I even get to the entrance of the Metro, my crackberry let's me know that I've received an email. It's, of course, from Junior. He is asking me if I'd be interested in helping him celebrate his birthday this weekend. The short answer is no. The longer answer is HELL no. But, instead, I don't respond... I ignore his messages not to be rude, but because it's the most polite way I could’ve responded to him. The, that Sunday, I get a friend request from him on Facebook and another email asking me what I had done that weekend.

Now, this is a rather long back story for my “relationship” with Junior. I still see him everyday when he drops off mail and packages to my office. And I am very cordial to him. Never rude at all, but I keep it short and sweet so that he understands that our only link is my dependence on him (and the rest of his department) to bring me FedEx packages and interoffice mail.

At any rate, I’m saying all this to say that when I finally got into the groove of writing this post, I was typing pretty fast since the words were pouring out of me after having been pent up for so long. The door to my office was open, but since I looked like I was in deep thought, people were passing by the door but not stopping because it seemed I was doing something important and work-related. And then Junior comes by. He sees that I am typing furiously, so he just stands in the door, presumably because he thinks that I will stop doing what I am doing to carry some random conversation with him in the interest of politeness. I look up and hold up one finger (not the middle, although that’s the one I feel like throwing up) to let him know that he should hold on for a minute before speaking. When I reach a good stopping point, I look up to acknowledge his presence. And the question that he'd been waiting to ask me was so asinine… so… random (do you notice that there is a theme or randomness permeating this story?) that I don’t even remember what it was. I respond curtly to the question and then he tries to continue the conversation by steering it to what I’m doing this weekend. I tell him that I’m really busy and don’t actually have time to talk, and he says cool and goes on about his business. Now, I made Junior my friend on Facebook because it was the “nice” thing to do. But even though I’ve given him no indication that I’m interested in him, he continues to press his luck with me. AND, he threw me off my writing rhythm after all this time. I would’ve posted this much earlier, but because I lost my train of thought when Junior interrupted me, I didn’t start writing again until I got on the Metro at the end of the work day. But the good news is that I’ve finally overcome the writer’s block because, despite Junior’s intrusion, I wrote the whole way home.

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