Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Lessons in Love

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I already know I'm going to hear some complaints about the length of this post, but... GET OVER IT. If you have a real problem with anything I write OR with how I write it, leave a comment, dammit. Otherwise, shut the f*ck up. (Jokes... sorta.)

Ok, people. So I met someone. And I like him. A lot. But I've been hesitant to mention him to my dear readers (although some of you - individually - may have heard me mention him once or twice... Or ten times!!). I guess the reason why I hesitated is because you've all heard me ramble on and on about MBF and how I feel about him. But the truth of the matter is that I've known for a long time that MBF is not right for me. I mean, he's a magnificent person and I think anyone who ends up with him will be very lucky to have him. But, as I told him recently "its become obvious to me that we are not right for each other and, so, I encourage you to be somebody else's blessing". And, I shit you not, I was dead ass serious.

MBF... Man, this dude does some nutso shit. It's hard to explain, but I'll try. Ok, for example, few months ago - at the beginning of the summer - he knew I was working like crazy with little free time to myself, so he offered to take me out for happy hour. And, I was really excited because I was Stressed (with a capital S)!! So, I met him at this lounge called Jin...

- Pause -

Sidebar: MBF, if you're reading this, I know you're rolling your eyes right about now and huffing and puffing with exasperation because you are tired of hearing this story. But guess what? I really don't care! The story I'm about to relay - that was some shady shit and I'm still pissed (despite your apology) and so I reserve the right to tell this story as many times as I want until I get tired of telling it!


Ok, back to the story.

So, we're at Jin having a cocktail and eating wings. We're laughing and joking and generally having a good time together - as we always do. So, after we finished our drinks, we decided to move the party and head down the block to check out this other spot. We get there and immediately run into this guy that MBF knows from college. The guy MBF knows is sitting next to a girl with very pretty locs. I must digress again (sorry!) Ok, so, please understand that MBF must be the center of attention at all times. When women are around, there's no such thing as "laying low" for him. So, we sit at the bar. The order of our placement: guy that MBF knows, MBF, me, girl with locs. MBF proceeds to talk to homegirl - over my head. He compliments her and essentially tells her that if his homeboy hadn't already tried to holla, he would try. Huh? This dude is bold! At any rate, throughout the night the two of them continue to flirt - most of the time right over my head. I conversed with the guy that MBF knew and a few others while all this was going on. And I left the bar twice to use the restroom since my drink seemed to be running right through me. At any rate, an hour or two later, she got ready to move on to her next location and she gives MBF a hug, at which time I hear him say "I'll definitely text you later."

At that point, I saw red. Did this dude really just say that hed text her later? Which means that, at some point during the evening, he got homegirl's number. Now, immediately, I start buggin out. I saw red and I just got SO angry. The thing is, my anger didn't stem from jealousy, it stemmed from me being disrespected. I'm a firm believer in the Golden Rule, so you treat others the way that you yourself wish to be treated. I would never, ever, ever in a million years get another dude's number if I was out with a male friend one-on-one. Why? Precisely because I would never want one of them to do it to me.

Anyway, back to the night at hand.

So, I'm flabbergasted and I turn to the dude that MBF knows. "When did he even get her number?" I ask.

"They exchanged information while you were in the bathroom."

Damn. I can't even take a piss without this dude picking up chicks.

Well, at that point, I was done. As far as I was concerned, the night was over. I had nothing more to say and at that point I wanted nothing more than to be home in my bed. So, I grabbed my bag and made a beeline for the door. MBF, who wasn't even aware of the fact that I knew he had gotten homegirl's number, reached for my arm. I turned on my heel and went off on him. I'm pretty sure I made a bit of a scene, but at that point the last thing I was concerned with was keeping up appearances. So, I walked out into the summer night with MBF following me, repeating the refrain "What's wrong with you? Where are you going?", and the dude MBF knows following us. I am silent because if I speak, what comes out of my mouth will NOT be pretty. That is a guarantee. I walk to the corner, never facing MBF, and realize that I'd met him down here & didn't have a car. He was supposed to be my ride home. Shit! I throw my righthand in the air and hail the first cab that drives by and close the door in MBF's face as he's asking me for the 100th time what's wrong.

In the cab on the way home, I call Bestie and relay the entire story. And she listens and then calmly reminds me that MBF does this sort of thing to me all the time. Not necesarily as obvious as it was this time around, but he's always telling me about women he likes with little regard for how this information might make me feel. And then I think about how he basically told me a few weeks after we met that he wasn't sure if he liked me. He stated that as an observation, I'm assuming he was doing that in the interest of full-disclosure, but again he says this with no regard for how this might make me feel. The truth was, at the time I wasn't sure how I felt about him either, but I wouldn't ever TELL his ass that!

But that night that I left him in the bar. Of course, he blew my phone up for the rest of the night, but I ignored he until he switched to text messaging. Then, it dawned on me that this was a "teaching moment". Even if he couldn't get it right with me, goshdarnit, I'd make it so the next chick won't have to go through this bullshit. So, I sent him a 4-screen text telling him what I thought about his disrespectful behavior. He responded and apologized, but I still had issues with the way he handled that whole situation. MBF will always be my boy but he'll never be "my man", if you know what I mean. And thank God for that! As I told him recently, "You're my boy and I love you, but recently I've come realize that we are not right for each other. So, I encourage you to be someone else's blessing." And I meant it, too!

So, yes, it has become apparent that MBF won't ever be the man I would want or would need him to be! In my past relationships, I've nearly had to develop a marketing plan extolling my virtues and providing market studies on the dating scene just to get a man to commit. And after Mr. Ex, I promised myself that I wouldn't ever be with a man that I had to convince to like me. You either do, or you don't. And, if you do, your words AND your actions have to prove that you do... And that's why the new guy is so amazing. I don't have to guess at how he feels. He likes me and he's not afraid to show it (thank you Jesus!). And best of all, unlike MBF, he's been SURE about me from the start... Now, I'm not sure where this new thing will lead or whether it will even become a full-fledged "thing". But for now, I'm just enjoying the moment and going with the flow. This is unusual for me, but I'm learning to stop trying to control everything... and just live in the moment.

Life is all about lessons. And I thank MBF for the lessons that he's taught me. He's shown me what I want from a man, but most importantly, he's shown me what I DON'T want. And that is, perhaps, the most valuable love lesson of all.


you get an A+ said...

Yay! I am SO happy for you realizing that MBF is not good enough for you. MAYBE as a friend (although if he was a 'best' friend, he should know you better than it seems he does, or if he does in fact know you well enough to know what would and wouldn't hurt/annoy you, he should care more about not doing hurtful things), but definitely not as more than a friend. Consider yourself lucky that he wasn't sure about what he wanted or if he did, b/c you're better off. I hope things work out with this new guy, and even if they don't, I'm glad you have such a renewed spirit and are applying all that you've learned. You deserve such a great guy and I can't wait to hear about him! :)

Anonymous said...

Girl, that is a certified narcissist you have on your hands. Get rid of that psychopath and QUICK!!!

Eb the Celeb said...

That last paragraph is what its all about... using the good and the bad as a learning experience and not beig bitter and possibly making the next man that comes along suffer for the things the men before them have done... as women we have a problem with letting go and starting with a blank slate... it took a long time for me to believe that I could love and be love again after my ex...