Monday, June 09, 2008

Penis Envy/The Power of the "Outtie"

Oh man! The Brown Girl has been on serious hiatus! I apologize for that, but I appreciate all those who are sticking with me and still reading after this long break. So, I started a new job, which is fabulous, but is a serious drain on my social life. I have time to do NOTHING anymore – even blog! But, yesterday, I turned 29 (yay, me!) and decided that I’d take a Monday off just to recuperate from the weekend. (The weekend was FAB. I’ll have to blog about it sometime…) With my day off, I’m catching up on a bunch of things I love to do, including getting back to blogging. I’m going to try to write a couple of posts so that I’ll have things to post in the days to come when I won’t be able to touch my computer for non-work-related business. We’ll see how that goes! I won’t promise to blog more often anymore because obviously I have a tough time keeping that promise, but I sincerely hope to make more regular appearances in the days to come. Happy reading!

Some days, I wish I had been born a man. Now, that is kind of a strange statement coming from someone who considers herself to be a pretty modern woman. I think women can totally do anything they put their minds to. We can be doctors, lawyers, astronauts, chefs, artists, investment bankers, etc. But when I really think about it, even in 2008, this is still a man’s world and men are STILL getting over in a way that women will never be able to.

Take dating for instance (you knew this was where this was going, didn’t you?). Women have it HARD out here. Sure, if a woman looks a certain way she can have just about any guy that she wants. But even THAT is no guarantee. I was recently watching a movie with Halle Berry in it and realized that she has been cheated on and abused by so many different men! Now, if a man cheats on HALLE BERRY, one of the most beautiful women in the world, then the rest of us do not stand a chance! By all accounts, she’s a stunner. And, yet, her partners decided that there was someone else they’d rather tap than keep it at home and tap Halle on a regular basis. That is INSANITY to me.

Something happens in male/female relationships where the men end up getting the power. They are obviously dominant in most situations and, if you are dating an Alpha male, you’ve got an even lesser chance of maintaining a handle on the relationship because they are dominant to the 10th power. You see, something happens where – at first – the man is pursuing the woman pretty hard. He pulls out all the stops. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for her. He calls all the time, buys her pretty things, pays for every meal, plans romantic dates, compliments her, and just generally makes her feel like the world revolves around her. But, proceed with caution, ladies, because this does not last long. The second that he thinks that he’s got you under his spell, BOOM. All that jazz I mentioned above just disappears. At that point, it’s too late and you think if you could just do this or that then things will go back to being the way that they once were. Oh, if you could just lose 7 lbs and be back to the weight you were at when the two of you met, then he’ll start being his Old Self. Um, maybe if you change jobs, he’ll be so proud of you that he’ll start showering you with attention again. And here and there he’ll surprise you with little unexpected appearances by his Old Self just to string you along and give you hope that this behavior will somehow miraculously become the norm again. But here’s the catch… he’s already gotten into your head. He’s made you think that it’s YOUR fault that things have changed. And at the point that you begin doubting yourself, the power has shifted and now the entire relationship revolves around HIM.

Uh oh.

I had a friend in college, Antoine. Antoine was a pretty cool dude and we were strictly platonic. He once told me that guys only have to put in two weeks of courting to get a woman hooked.

“Then,” he said, “you can pretty much treat her any way you want to for the remainder of the relationship, because all she will dwell on is how nice you were to her during those first couple of weeks. She’ll always think THAT was the ‘Real You’ and that is enough to keep her interested until you’re done.”

Now, obvi Antoine was also somewhat of an asshole when it came to relationships. But what he said was real talk. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to my friends and me. We think that we’ve really got a nice guy who genuinely believes that the relationship is not all about him. And then, the power shifts…

Or maybe, we never really had the power at all… I mean, think about it. If the first couple weeks or – maybe if you’re lucky – months are all a setup, then the guy held the power from jump. How depressing! It must be lovely to be able to be in this position. To not be the one setup to fall for the okey-doke.

Oh, to be a man!

I was talking to my sister in law today about relationships and how there is a guy that I really care about…

Ok. Fuck it. I love him.

Anyway, so I’m telling my sister in law about said individual and about how he has decided (Notice who has the power??! The one with the “innie” or the “outtie”?) that we should be friends because he is not ready to settle down.

Sis says, “Wow. That really sucks and that must be SO frustrating. Your brother and I were talking about how there are so many smart, beautiful, self-sufficient, ambitious women out here for men to choose from, but they’d rather run around like fools than to settle down with one of them.”

Eureka! She’s got something here.

But here’s what I say: I think it’s the problem of overchoice. It’s precisely BECAUSE there are so many wonderful women out here – a surplus of them – that men don’t know how to act. This seems to be an epidemic that guys out here are trying to screw around with as many women as possible and would rather do that than settle down with a good one now. They take for granted the fact that there are so many good women out here to be had. They know that if they screw around now there will still be a couple hundred thousand left over that they can settle down with whenever THEY get ready.

Damn. What a great position to be in! You have so many options, why choose just one? Why not just mess around with as many women as you can until you get tired… just exhausted… and then, go out and pick one of the other women who are still single at 40 and make one of them happy? Finally.

It’s like picking apples. You go to an orchard and look up in wonderment at all the beautiful, red apples on the tree and think, where do I begin? At first, you pick the apple that’s closest to you because it’s the easiest to reach. You take a bite, it’s not that sweet, so you toss it and move on to the next one. The next time, you see a bright red beauty towards the top of the tree, so you position yourself to get to it and then you pick that one and you taste it and… ugh! That apple had a rotten spot that you couldn’t see from where you were standing. So you toss that one. You keep testing them out, taking bites, and then tossing the ones you don’t want, until you get tired. Eventually, you find a nice looking one with a decent taste and you go home with it, satisfied – for now – that you tried enough apples to know that this one was a pretty decent choice.

I mean, ladies, that’s what it’s like for men out here. Fucking apple picking. And, unfortunately, we’re the fruit on the tree waiting to get picked! What a shitty position to be in!

That’s why, TODAY, I wish I had a penis.

Check back with me tomorrow, though… my feelings may have changed.


Anonymous said...

I pretty much had this same conversation with a friend the other night. Guys can take it easy because there are many quality women out there and we are left to put up with immaturity and uncertainty and their timelines because the ratio is in their favor. DARN IT!!!!

Katie said...

This is your old friend Katie here... I copied some of your blog and sent it to my husband b/c he is a true Alpha as you know. :) This is what he said in response.....

A true Alpha Male is rarely challenged by any other male even while he is young and weak, and females recognize Him as an ideal mate. He is often quite gentle, within his group, but will rise to their defense with vigor and ferocity, when the group is threatened.

The desire to locate and mate with such a Man is at the heart of much Male Dom/fem sub behavior. The female senses she will find safety, comfort, excitement, and emotional fulfillment, with an Alpha, and she finds Him very compelling. Most females will readily display the signs of submission and willingness to mate even before reaching sexual maturity.

I say what-the-fuck-ever!